hoos

(online)

Justin Jacoby Smith is an organizer, web geek, Buddhist, and poet.

"so much of it is about what i want."

Some of the needs were stupid, some mundane, some idealistic, some suspiciously similar to the need to feel cool. First I needed, like everyone, to decide what sort of person I wanted to be, and music is a very efficient way to figure that out by trial and error. Then I wanted to fit into spaces I found attractive; I wanted to understand people I found interesting. There were qualities I lacked, and envied in others, so I tried to steal them from music. There were qualities I had that others didn't appreciate, so I sought out music that consoled me by saying those qualities were wonderful ones. I confess: So much of it is about what I want. So much of the great music I love traces back to some kind of pretense on my end, something I wanted to do to myself, using the music as a tool.

nitsuh on why our relationships with the things we love are often a kind of vampirism.